The word friends and love have really been abused despite being overused. I can’t believe that people now equate relationship with an opposite sex to sex, they assume immediately that if a guy is your friend then you two should be getting under the sheets.
For whatever sakes, there are deep relationships that exists without sex not because feelings don’t get in the way but because a lot of times sex takes it to an all new level which compromises our judgement on simple issues.
I am an all time advocate of opposite sex relationship, in fact a million and one times over I’d choose an opposite sex relationship over a same sex because being a woman, we can be our own worst enemies. Most men are visual in nature and just want to get down with whoever they find attractive enough to, fine, but if you sit and discuss issues they will relent and just be cool.
How can a mind judge a relationship from what they see, that’s wrong. I have a male friend, I love him and I appreciate him. I will always be there for him (which “that” mind assumes to be sexually), I will give him hugs when he is low in spirit, I will listen to him, I will sit and discuss issues with him. I will gladly share in his pains and joy, I will be involved and loyal to him and to the friendship.
I don’t know how people build or sustain their friendship but from every sense it seems wrong to me. To love an opposite sex has nothing to do with having sex with him. Guys are humans just like us, they sometimes want someone who will listen to them and reassure them, someone who will massage their ego, someone who will believe in them and is willing to walk with them. These guys are human and if I have someone I call a friend, male or female, I will be super there for that friend.
We are all human with vacuums to fill it doesn’t matter who fills them what matters is filling someone’s vacuum. If you think the only value to an opposite sex relationship is getting under the sheets then you must be truly mistaken. You don’t know what love is. You need to cast and bind that reasoning.
Well, I believe in friendship and love, I believe in sincerity and openness in relationships. I don’t think we have to be all sexual before building an amazing relationship, no, yet I don’t have an issue if sex solidifies a relationship. What I strongly believe is, sex is not a determinant to a healthy life long relationship between two opposite sex.
I love sex but I don’t let it ruin big things like pure and beautiful love.
If I can desire a listening ear, a shoulder to cry on, a soul to laugh with, a hand to wipe my tears and a hug from a warm soul then I think every other human feels about the same way though with different intensity. It is a shame, our that we have created a new meaning for friendship between opposite sex. May we be guided.
I love my men, we can joke and banter without any emotional baggage. Friendships with men are lighter, more fun they are not so sensitive about things. I enjoy the familial and casual warmth I get from “my men”, hahaha, I can get into their head a bit just to know what they like. I agree that most times men misinterpret the intimacy of friendship for a sexual desire but whatever the challenges of the relationship researchers agree that to succeed as friends, both genders have to openly and honestly negotiate exactly what their relationship will mean and once they got past that, they were home free.
Naturally women have this issue of attaching too much importance to themselves. They assume airs and hype their status and events in life some times to feel good or to intimidate others. In my opinion, they have issues and yes big issues. It doesn’t make sense to rubbish someone just to have a feel good effect on yourself. But most times I also notice they do it subconciously that’s why we need to know when we start to drift. We need to differentiate ego from our true selves first.
1. Your ego is fearful; your true self is loving.
2. Your ego is usually negative and it loves “okay” and “status quo”; your true self is always positive and adventurous.
3. Your ego keeps you in the comfort zone; your true self makes you grow out of it.
4. Your ego is addictive; your true self is detached and free.
5. Your ego will want you to focus on the external and material; your true self will prefer you to stay focused on your inner wellbeing.
6. Your ego encourages you to lose time in what was and what will be; your true self shows you the now moment as the only reality there is.
7. Your ego is a procrastinator; your true self makes things happen for you.
8. Your ego will teach you how to prefer quantity over quality; your true self will show you how to prefer quality and from there create quantity.
9. Your ego discourages you to speak your truth, it teaches conformity and mediocrity; your true self encourages you to sing your truth out loud, it teaches you to shine your unique light far and wide.
10. Your ego always needs you to prove things, it teaches you to see in order to believe; your true self acts in faith, it teaches you how to believe in order to see.
“The problem is that we have allowed our egos, the part of us which believes that we are separate from God and separate from each other, to dominate our lives.” ~ Wayne Dyer
Sometimes the best place to be is in the land of solitude where you don’t get to see anyone or hear anything. In this land you engage in retrospection with all calmness. You release your emotions to make for a clearer head and a newly defined path. In this land nothing matters. All you want is a fresh start.
A fresh start to life. A correction to your past mistakes. An atonement for all the hurts. A plea for forgiveness. A new opportunity to love right. An escape.
In this land I am holding on to something but it is like I am really not holding anything because I want to let it all go. I want to breathe again.
I desire a new life with inner peace and love and that is why I made this visit to the cabinet within my heart to clear out all the old stuff I have in it. Even if I am in my world of aloneness I am still not alone. I am with me. My head intact.
I love this land but I have got to come home to the very few ones who love me. It won’t be fair to them even if I desire to stay back. But let me just stay one more night, here.
As my friend dropped me off to catch a cab somewhere in Ikeja, I stood for about ten minutes before I actually got one. The first man didn’t agree for my offer so I angrily discharged him. A couple of minutes later I was able to flag down a cab but this time I decided to be a bit calm and bargain the fare. He charged me three thousand naira for the journey and since I didn’t know the actual price I used agbari concept to see if it can be reduced to two thousand but he wouldn’t settle for less than two thousand five hundred so I reluctantly entered the vehicle.
As he drove, I took a good look at this man from behind, he doesn’t seem happy, his hair had grown and was unkempt, his clothes were so worn out that it could tear if you pulled lightly. But he was trying to encourage himself as he played some great Nigerian tunes and nodded his head to them. I also enjoyed the songs so as I pinged I was gently nodding, he stole a glance at me from his rear mirror and as he saw the movement of my head he slightly increased the volume, I smiled.
He kept on mumbling to himself and I wish I could figure out what it was so I started to think for him. Maybe he has kids at home expecting something from daddy, maybe he has an expectant mother and the thought of it is making him look haggard or even the resumption of school. Honestly I thought about so many other things and I can only imagine that these thoughts must have relegated any thoughts of him taking care of himself.
He wasn’t talking but he had a friendly disposition and that made me admire him more and he also impressed me with his Schwarzenegger skills in driving that made the trip all so fast.
As he stopped for me to alight I paid him. Then I brought out an extra five hundred and told him gently to please go and have a hair cut and a shave tomorrow Sunday for him to look fresh for Monday morning. He looked at me with so much excitement, I could feel it, he couldn’t say anything else but “God bless you. Madam”, at that time I felt inner peace. He was willing to give me his phone number in case I come to Ikeja again but I declined. I wish I could give him more than that even though I ended up paying the exact fare he initially said but I wasn’t sad, not at all.
I put a smile on his face and I am glad. Most times it is not the big things we do that matter it is the small things we do from our heart. A little aid can lift hope up.
Tonight I will sleep with the memories of the man’s excitement and prayers.
Sometimes you don’t want to do anything but listen. Listen to your heart beat. Listen to your inner voice. Listen to the word not spoken. Listen to your feelings. Listen to nature. You just want to listen. As I snuggled up in bed late last night all I wanted to do was listen to my thoughts to see if I could understand that which I crave for.
Looking at the ceiling and feeling empty I understood I lacked something. It must be so important for me to feel such hollowness and a bit of helplessness but I need to fill the void. There’s is a need to make me whole again.
On a closer look I thin what is needed is more self love, and freedom. I needed to up the tempo of my love for me and be free to fly. Its been long I danced in the rain, guess I’ll do that when it rains next before I decide to soar because I might soar so high and never again touch land.
The feeling of love is such an amazing thing that once it possesses you you will never remain the same. The pervasiveness of that feeling is something to marvel at, when it takes over you it vaporizes all the negative vibes and takes control of every bit of your being in a way that you see and feel it sipping out from you and affecting everything and everyone around.
This feeling makes you so serene, so receptive to other positive vibes and more willing to spread love and happiness. I love to love. It gives me a will to live, a chance to be free at heart and the ultimate gift of another soul. I think the most beautiful thing as a soul is to fall in love, not just to find it, because you can find love and not fall in love.
I am blessed. Super blessed. I have fallen in love more than once and believe me the feeling is heavenly. It takes you so high to the realm where loving minds soar in satisfaction. I love love in all its form. It brings out my best. Love makes my depression vanish. Love keeps my weight in check. Love calms my soul. Love is all I need. But first we need the greatest love which is to love ourselves so we can realize and appreciate when love comes our way and get immersed in it.